he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
