i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
