my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
