office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
