You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
