Fine. I'll sleep in my office
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
