is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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