I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
