Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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