Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
