There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize