i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Still dying that you shit outside
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
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