I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
