I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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