i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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