Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
