so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
