We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
