If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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