Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
