I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
