What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
