so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
