porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
