I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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