Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
