we should wear snuggies to the strip club
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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