So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
