You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
