I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
he thought i was a dude.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
