five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
