After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
