Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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