now i know why i became what i already was.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Drunk is a universal language darling
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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