Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
