people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize