ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
