U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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