I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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