I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize