addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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