either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
We need a shit load of segways right now
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
