I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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