Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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