Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I just cut my nipple shaving
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
