I look better un-naked...
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
