My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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