you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
