I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
