Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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