A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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