Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
