Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
