dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
