I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
