one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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