Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
