she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
