I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
