he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
