I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
