It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Green mimosas i think yes
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Randomize
