Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
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