he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
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