did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
