you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
