It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
