Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
