I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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