Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
