he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
