Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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